There is no autonomy or self-governing; control is exerted over the other’s movements, money, sexual activity, or friends; through emotional, psychological manipulation, or physical abuse. Adult children of alcoholics easily fall into the same patterns as their parents: picking a partner or raising their children, in the same manner, they were, remaining trapped in the cycle.
Life itself will offer moments of clarity.A crossroad, a breaking point, or outside intervention. A realization that something could be different. That one may enter a recovery program, peer support at a church, or counseling center. To break free and recover, emotional detachment is vital, while new information is taken in. There is always an emotional separation from the other co-dependant, if there is physical or psychological abuse a physical separation is needed until both can seek help.These are forms of detachment. Detachment simply allows space to breath, rest, and reevaluate. For most it is frightening and progress may be delayed out of a fear that something is being lost.
I am weary. I have been writing and revising my manuscript for four years now. In writing a memoir, there is the apparent need to go back through the trauma experienced. I have found continued healing while going through this process of writing. The positives are that this going back also reinforces the lessons, techniques and prayer practices that have brought me out of darkness into a world of recovery and true freedom.
For survivors of trauma and addiction, roadblocks were put in place before we realized it. We remain unaware that a roadblock exists, believing we are just like everyone else, until we try to expand ourselves into an adult individual. If we have successes great! But such is life, and there are challenges all along our way. There is illness, loss, death, lost jobs, financial uncertainties, or isolation from families.
Is our inner voice original thought, or guided by someone or something else? If you found your way here, you have experienced abuse or trauma in some capacity. Your mind may be battling with you daily, obsessive thoughts try to guide you one way, blocking your desire to go another way. It can encompass self-destructive beliefs, self-destructive behaviors, addiction, fear, chronic nightmares. Your anxious thoughts trigger your, PTSD symptoms. An inner voice that continually judges and condemns, “You are flawed, less than, or of no value to anyone including yourself, unlovable, unforgivable, a phony.” Our inner voice usually consists of our own internal beliefs that have been given to us, the enemies voice of conviction, and the voice of our Creator who is forever calling us to peace and fulfillment.
A year later, while in a counseling session, attempting once again to make sense of my predicament, I become terrified and disoriented. Directly in my line of vision, a form like a hologram appeared leaving no room for my present life to penetrate. I began seeing the atrocities done to my mother and my brothers. The smell of orange blossoms, bacon, country gravy and biscuits, the moist smell of dew in the mountain air filled my senses. Mashed potatoes mingled with blood on old graying wall paper came into view. I heard my own fear in its’ deafening silence as brown trousers came towards me. Physically, I was left feeling moist, cold and exposed; breathless with unbelievable pain in my throat and shoulders.
I can see the beauty of being a rock in God’s creation. Not a sedentary rock, for when unearthed, I would be moved from place to place. At times, hidden and forgotten. Then a twist of fate would unearth me again. For a time, placed as the centerpiece in a garden. Jagged, rough edges in the beginning, but the friction of life and torrent rains refined and polished me. Now my destination is assured as I have become a paperweight sitting prominently on God’s desk. My polished shine radiates with reflective light attracting others to be soothed by my cool smoothness. This smoothness with signs of wear offers many opportunities, sometimes to bring others beauty, sometimes to help others offering foundational support, and at all times, to be still and take in the beauty that surrounds me in His garden.
An exploration of society’s slanderous misreading of one of Disney’s most iconic princesses of all time, and how this indicates a dangerous shift in our values as a culture.
It’s 1950. You’re Walt Disney.
It’s been two years since production was fast-tracked on one of your studio’s most risky ventures. Your last three animated films, made with love and care, flopped in the midst of the Second World War. You’re millions in debt, and you’ve just finished plunging yourself farther into the hole — all for another feature-length animated project, to be given the same love and care as your previous works.
Unbeknownst to you, this film will not only catapult your studio out of debt, but also become an enduring classic in American cinema.
In the city, we are often removed from the inherent beauty of creation. Looking down so as not to trip on uneven sidewalks can only provide a downcast focus of cigarette butts, weeds, dirt, spit, discarded food and wrappers, and flies. Yet our Creator calls us to look up-to look around -to seek His kingdom on earth. Where is this kingdom?