Posted in Intentional Parenting

THE MAN IN MY LITTLE GIRL’S LIFE

1966 I was 9, the year before, my Mom had found a way to convince my Dad to bring us up north to live and then she separated from him. The year would consist of him showing up drunk and unannounced, shattering glass with a bloody hand and head peering in. Mom is beaten, furniture and dishes were broken, until we moved to a house where the Dad did not tolerate violence or destruction, then mother and I settled into a brief period of calm.  

There was a schedule; we get up, eat together, I go to school with the kid’s downstairs. Mom goes to work on the bus but will return at 6 pm. These few years ahead would be the best memories of my childhood.   We knew a calm that never existed before.  Our home was clean and uncluttered, meals were eaten not thrown and the table was set for dinner and homework. We would leisurely read a page of a dictionary or a story from the bible, my two greatest gifts! After dinner, I would lay relaxed in front of our Motorola floor model T.V., snug in my flannel granny gown with mom on the couch with a magazine, and while watching a favorite sit-com, we would laugh, laugh, laugh!!    

Mike Douglas sang in 1966 about the men in his little girl’s life. First was a boy named Todd. he wants to play in our backyard. “Can he Daddy, please Daddy, thank you, Daddy.” Mr. Douglas sang of protecting and yet the letting go process that should exist between father and child. He longs for her to stay little and safe, yet he hopes she finds the same kind of love that he and his wife share. The song continues into dating, bringing home the man she wants to marry and then finally the other man in his little girl’s life is a son born to her and she proudly introduces the babe to her adoring father. 

Hearing the song again on an Oldies station, I now ponder what my Dad might have written, in his version of this song. Perhaps on one of his long hauls, he came upon the song initiating tears to run down his face. While inside of his Rig, rolling through the highways and byways, he might write… 

I am the man in my little girls’ life, I am the man in my little girls’ life.  In the day I leave her to work and drink, I may not return for days or weeks. The house stifles when I pull up, not even the air dares move. Entering I might have a fancy party dress, ruffled socks, or Maryjane’s for her, it degrades her mom and envies her brothers.  

I don’t care because I am the man in my little girl’s life!  I am the man in my little girls’ life. 

I will appear docile and tame when lying on the couch hungover, but mealtimes with me will not be safe. Her tummy will cramp to the menacing stress. The legacy I leave her is the shadowy villain in her nightmares. She will nobly carry me into her late 50’s, she will not experience true intimacy with any other men in her life because I kept a bit of her soul in my pocket, along with my lighter, change, and keys.  

I am the man in my little girl’s life. I am the man in my little girls’ life. 

Other men in my little girl’s life will come and go quickly, like me, predators who will snatch some youthful honey. No need to pursue or stalk; with the slightest cue she will feel desirable and become a willing participant. If a boy offers a ride or a joint, my little girl will feel obliged to give her body. He will take a piece of her in his pocket with his keys.  I have made sure that when they are done shame will separate them quickly; proving she is not worthy of love.  

Because I am the man in my little girls’ life. The man in my little girls’ life. 

Not knowing true male leadership she will find the most flamboyant boy she can.  She will daydream that they are in the popular crowd or her knight! He will see her need and will desire to manipulate her. She will do anything he desires sexually, illegally. Simply placing his wants above her needs.  

Because I will remain the man in my little girls’ life. The man in my little girls’ life.  

A parody of : Mike Douglas- The Men in My Little Girl’s Life ℗ 2011 Vintage Masters Inc. Released on: 2011-11-01 

Author:

Lady Jayne's Reckonings is not just a story, we all have a story, but the path out of sexual abuse, PTSD, and addictions. Then finding the underlying Lies and Spiritual Bondage and tools to break free to living Happy Joyous and Free.

2 thoughts on “THE MAN IN MY LITTLE GIRL’S LIFE

  1. I am reading along with your writing. It is very painful for me, so sorry I didnt know or understand better. You are amazing!

    1. Hi Cheryl, thank you so much for following me. and for your friendship. I have always loved you and have precious fond memories of you and your family. I will send the excerpt where you are in my book to see if you approve or would like to add or delete some. Unfortunately, I lost most of my last draft. so I am beginning a long editing process againagain.

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