Posted in Affects of Sexual Abuse: LIES, Inner Child, Thoughtful Living

Is my Inner Voice leading me to Spiritual Freedom?

Spiritual freedom does not happen by accident. It comes from following the spiritual voice found inside. However this is no easy task for those born into evil or thrust into abuse. We hear a combination of our own condemning inner voice and the abusers threats. Upon spiritual examination we find the shadow of death in the mix. The clamoring voice that actively manipulates our inner messages.

Attempting to break free is trial and error. Prayer is used more as a test rather than true conviction, in the beginning. Pray, wait, ask for guidance and protection and then repeat. Through this, prayer by prayer, practice we learn to separate harmful critical thoughts and exaggerated emotions from God led inspiration and guidance.

” the spiritual voice inside us (that leads to freedom and life) speaks of care and love. It will never tell us to hurt others or ourselves. It is our Higher Power’s voice. It’s what Step Eleven (Big Book) calls “conscious contact.”

Sometimes the voice tells us to do things we’re afraid of. For example, if we’re lonely and the voice tells us to call someone on our phone list, we may make excuses to not do it. Again, the voice may say, “Just make the call, It will be okay.” of we follow this guiding voice we’ll find happiness.” (and Spiritual Freedom!)

excerpt from “Keep It Simple: Daily Meditations for Twelve Step Beginnings and Renewal (Hazelden Meditations) Paperback – October 1, 1989

Posted in Return to your true created essence, Spiritual Warfare, Thoughtful Living

Finding the Magic Key of Recovery

Step out of your circumstances for a while. Observe others who seem to know how to live. Perhaps observe people who are not living in anger or endless drama. There are people around us in recovery that have unlocked the door and found a way out.

People watching can be a beginning, but they can not be of much assistance to a struggling soul until a process of surrender occurs within.  The AA principles, for example, lay out perfectly the process from self-reliance and unmanageability to surrender and freedom. 

Swirling obsessive thoughts and knee jerk reactions may not have been of own making, but rather modeled to us by caretakers, parents, or an abuser. Although they have proven time and time again to be harmful and faulty, as long as we believe they are valid and appropriate we will stubbornly stay unchanged.

If stepping out of victimization or personal addictive behaviors a lack of faith and trust is our dilemma. We could not trust the abuser or while in active addiction could not trust ourselves or our behaviors. But we have a Creator who is continually trying to reach us and is able to change our thinking and behaviors. There is restoring power beyond our imagining. A new outlook awaits.

The key to this door, that opens to a path into the beautiful new unknown, is surrender. That key is found when we can sit quietly and dare to think outside of what we believe is our reality. The key begins to turn. There may be clutter in front of the door, or the door may slam shut again and again. Then one day it stays open. We awake to new information, new possibilities. Needed resources and strength present themselves.

 

Posted in Affects of Sexual Abuse: LIES, Bite Size Bible Truth, Spiritual Warfare, Thoughtful Living

Who put the road block in place?

For survivors of trauma and addiction, roadblocks were put in place before we realized it. We remain unaware that a roadblock exists, believing we are just like everyone else, until we try to expand ourselves into an adult individual. If we have successes great! But such is life, and there are challenges all along our way. There is illness, loss, death, lost jobs, financial uncertainties, or isolation from families.

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Posted in Affects of Sexual Abuse: LIES, Inner Child

Excerpt: Fearless Reckonings of Lady Jayne

A year later, while in a counseling session, attempting once again to make sense of my predicament, I become terrified and disoriented. Directly in my line of vision, a form like a hologram appeared leaving no room for my present life to penetrate.  I began seeing the atrocities done to my mother and my brothers. The smell of orange blossoms, bacon, country gravy and biscuits, the moist smell of dew in the mountain air filled my senses. Mashed potatoes mingled with blood on old graying wall paper came into view. I heard my own fear in its’ deafening silence as brown trousers came towards me. Physically, I was left feeling moist, cold and exposed; breathless with unbelievable pain in my throat and shoulders.

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Posted in Affects of Sexual Abuse: LIES, Spiritual Warfare

What hinders thriving after surviving?

On whom will we listen and depend on for guidance? 

As humans, we have collectively fought the odds of survival. Whether from climate, disease, or abandonment. Surviving is something we do! Going beyond survival; thriving after is vexing; trusting our unseen Creator’s voice and guidance, after defeat or mistreatment, becomes the real test of valor.  

We rely on our thoughts to be self-generated and a reliable guide. It seems as natural as breathing to believe our thoughts are safely generated by us and intended for our own good. We act off of our thoughts or when feeling inadequate, will lean towards co-dependency, attempting to draw strength from another person. believing without them survival may not be possible. 

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Posted in Intentional Parenting

THE MAN IN MY LITTLE GIRL’S LIFE

1966 I was 9, the year before, my Mom had found a way to convince my Dad to bring us up north to live and then she separated from him. The year would consist of him showing up drunk and unannounced, shattering glass with a bloody hand and head peering in. Mom is beaten, furniture and dishes were broken, until we moved to a house where the Dad did not tolerate violence or destruction, then mother and I settled into a brief period of calm.  

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Posted in Affects of Sexual Abuse: LIES, Inner Child, Return to your true created essence, Spiritual Warfare

Spiritual Warfare the Battle is Real

Enduring abuse since infancy I was tormented with nightmares and symptomatic PTSD. However further insight exposed spiritual bondage that attached to my soul before I was aware, with the ability to influence my thoughts and behaviors. A spiritual malady went undetected for years and had not been addressed in my program of recovery and not understood in my church. When father died memories surfaced. Counseling; led me to think it was dealt with. However, when mother died strange things began to happen in my home, to me and my family. So blatant were the attacks I no longer had the luxury to stay in denial, under the label of dysfunction. The battle between good and evil is real.

Coming out on the other side, I am living fully and contentedly with gratitude for God’s care and protection. To honor the little girl that I blamed for so long and her brothers; Lady Jayne will now tell her story. While she speaks I will prepare the manuscript for publishing.  So far I am thinking of the titles: The Fearless Reckoning of Lady Jayne or  The Reckoning of Lady Jayne. Like these? I welcome input!    My best to all who visit,  Thank you!