Posted in Returning to You, Spiritual Warfare, Thoughtful Living

Anger in Radiant Spectrum

Aching, pounding in the recesses of my mind and emotion, fear planning my retreat.

Oh, Anger! Was it the murky-mustard undertones of self-doubt and loathing that adhered the strands? Like green invasive vines-choking out life and light. Abrasive edges attached to a memory. Slight disappointments held the same angry velocity as abuse or betrayal.

Oh, Anger! Appearing large and luminous when you enter, overshadowing all. A blind anger that seeks to destroy, not correct, takes over. Other moments entering as discreetly as an innocent irritant.

Oh, Anger! Past emotions are stale, coloring my present circumstances, with dull green-grey and faded powdery-black hues, clinging to a non-descript metal; tarnished, rough with spotted rust. Reminiscent of an ancient artifact; is your abode.

Holding on to such artifacts, not necessarily out of love, but believing it held my reflection-my essence. Still attempting to camouflage you in ruffly pinks, while you powered my boorishness and discontentment.

Oh, Tangled Anger! Tell me now, what must I do to quench your hungry cobalt flames? No longer can I allow this grey shadow over my life. Binding me emotionally- afterward leaving my body to hurt and my thoughts in a stupor.

Oh, Anger! I found you lurking in other rooms in moldy brown boxes too large to lift and extract. Is this not why I embarked on this journey? Indeed! You stand before me now a brazen orange.

Oh, Anger! From where have you entered? Extremely young! Others’ reason, as with circumcision, perhaps the pain will not be remembered. An implanted organ, growing as I grew, dwelling in my belly, interwoven with nerve, synapse, memory. Yet the mind denies. How will I excise this growth? What would happen if the tangle let loose? Would you rupture red?

Oh, Anger! Given as a gift, who is to determine where you end, and I begin? You appear as an oil-patch rainbow beautiful and dangerous. You are entwined with flesh and soul.

Oh, Anger! You must come out. It is your duty. You served me well at times or was it the fear that kept me from far worse danger? Was it you or fear that shielded me from people-keeping them away-me entrapped?

But it was not always you! Blazing in molten metal was an accuser under your disguise, a companion of no honor, distorting my worldview, presenting life as a futile endeavor.

Robbed of love and time, by this nefarious shadow that controlled body and mind; shoulders tense, belly distended, emotions on high alert to react without warning. While I held a held tepid mask, poised in calm so no one saw my hurt.

Oh, Anger! My protector. Now the distorted facts will be illuminated in passion pink and sky blue. In pastel, my needs set right-pushing me to go on- to live!

Oh, Anger! Once again, unleashed from your den, providing clarity, knowing what is best for me. Working with my Creator to instruct me should I reach for a hot flame

Oh, Anger! My guide, teach me a new way to self-love. Allowing me a yellow crystal view as my God sees me.

Author:

Lady Jayne's Reckonings is not just a story, we all have a story, but the path out of sexual abuse, PTSD, and addictions. Then finding the underlying Lies and Spiritual Bondage and tools to break free to living Happy Joyous and Free.

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