Research shows that the average person has 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts in a day. Out of 60,000 thoughts, 90% are repetitive. A third finding is that 47% of the time, our minds wander and typically is led to negative, ruminating thoughts.
Why is this information so vital to survivors?
It makes a huge difference in the lives of those who have been abused or neglected. While in counseling or a recovery program, we retell the troubling occurrences. The goal is to gain insight and find a resolution. We bring these dirty secrets out in the open, giving us a voice and validation, perhaps for the first time. This telling takes some of the power out of the trauma, making it more manageable. We, hopefully, come to realize we could not have prevented the abuse. Another goal is to realize that although we are symptomatic, it is no longer happening.
Most who have been abused at home or trafficked attempt to find a savior at school or on the streets. The new relationship holds the illusion of safety, belonging, and being understood. Usually we are not aware that the new relationship serves as a bandage over strong emotions of loneliness and low self-worth. The new relationship is a distraction from ourselves, aids in blocking out reality and hinders further healing.
As Lady Jayne recovers from her trauma, she allows things to float up to my consciousness
Usually appearing in my last dream before waking. These dreams used to be filled with overwhelming emotion, fear and the torturous influence of the shadow. So much so that I could not process the actual memory, only cope with the symptoms. A fight or flight PTSD response.
Since my recovery programs, counseling, and journey within with my God, resulting in spiritual freedom, these dreams are gentler. Still conveying a similiar message but now something more bite sized, less traumatic. I can look at, give to my God, my loving Creator and then set aside. Allowing my day to open up to joy and anticipation.
After trauma, we find it hard to understand or rely on our inner voice. We hear a dialogue of shame, guilt, and condemnation, as if we caused or allowed the abuse. Or perhaps angry or frightening nightmares.
When organizing homes where clients are hoarding or have messy chaos due to indecision, I first carve out a place for the client, that will serve as their haven, or a refuge from their inner trauma, or away from viewing the consequences of hoarding.
They might need a place to escape the chaos from a partner or child who is troubled with alcoholism, codependency, or other unhealthy tendencies.
As survivors there is the task of rejoining the fragments of our psyche, healing our nervous system and emotions. The difficulty lies in our inability to trust our thinking, trusting God, and trusting those who are sincerely trying to help.
Anger and Depression are two sides of the same coin. This can be confusing to caretakers, partners and employers. The individual whose life is fueled by anger may not be aware of the deep sorrow within.
When we have been abandoned, neglected at a young age, we exhibit symptoms or behavioral traits, yet not know why. When we have been held against our will. When we have endured unnatural things, our nervous system, our emotions and spirit know on a deep level that something is terribly wrong. But survival was our number one concern. Fearing death or more abuse, we still had the task of securing food, shelter or protecting our children.
With these strong pulls in two directions, and desperately needing love we stuffed down what we could to stay sane. So, it is not a surprise that only anger and depression remained after it ended.
Having survived, we are left with truly little. Perhaps our support system tells us a wholesome life is available and worth the effort. We are suggested to pray to a Higher Power, even if we are depressed and discouraged, angry or blame God for our misfortune.
Out of this simple beginning dreams and hope bubble up in us. Even though this new mindset frightens us we continue. We imagine ourselves breaking free from the present limitations. It is beneficial for us to get a notebook. Scribble out anger or grief. Find an emotion, feel it, and let out the hurt. We have lived in secret long enough! We can scream on paper before we are brave enough to scream out loud. Experiment with other emotions, such as amusement or contentment. Anxious and excited can feel the same at first, so you look to the outside experience to learn the difference. Look for beauty in nature, animals, or babies.
It is unfair that the victimized have the difficult task. But this is where we are. And this is the time to use a bit more courage. Courage to find who we were meant to be when God lovingly created us.
Finding your courage and desires will help to open up to a new world with new experiences and kind people who are willing to help. It will be totally worth the effort.
Our Creator saved me and gave me a good life. I will trust that outcome for you, as you search.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, … Eccl. 3
We do not like to retreat. If we are pushed, we push back. If we hit a wall, we bang our head for a while thinking that our stubbornness and unwillingness to retreat will remove the obstacle and open the desired door.
Lady Jayne's Reckonings 