I am weary. I have been writing and revising my manuscript for four years now. In writing a memoir, there is the apparent need to go back through the trauma experienced. I have found continued healing while going through this process of writing. The positives are that this going back also reinforces the lessons, techniques and prayer practices that have brought me out of darkness into a world of recovery and true freedom.
The negative is it reinflames my hurt as I look back. If you found my writings, you are also searching and learning. Perhaps your groping in the darkness trying to navigate toward the light of freedom and spiritual wholeness. When we find a chunk of truth, don’t we run with it? Believing we will hold on to its fullness. That it will be ingrained in our being. The reality of our journey is that we will be in a rhythmic ebb and flow throughout the rest of our days. With most of our growth only to be seen in hindsight.
On this day I am weary, because I have chosen to stay present. Staying present was the key to achieving the growth I have so far. After a life of blocking out trauma, this new exercise is work enough for one day. And yet I need to tend to vital self-care, and I desire to help others on my way. On top of all this, I still want to give my God, my Creator, glory by completing my book.
Today I am going out to the flower garden to prune some dead blooms off the rose bushes. I will forget all my desires and responsibilities and commune with my Creator. I will thank my Creator for the earth under my feet and the beauty around me.
Join me in finding a place to rest and unwind, so you too can go back to the work that is part of your beautiful journey.