You have been doing quite a bit of inner exploration then fatigue set in. Did you do something nice for yourself or have you been binge watching TV or over working? No matter, it is time to go deeper and broader.
On a shelf in a room down the hall is a book that has not been used in a while. Inside is the story of you. The first few chapters are stories of sadness, fear, and uncertainty. Then the chapter that expressed the anger and rage at all that happened with no one to protect you.
Abused or neglected in our developmental years leaves us confused. Our God given compass does not function appropriately. We are loyal to the abuser and mistrust others that may come into our lives to show us a better way. We may believe everyone lives as we have and that this is as good as it gets. Curiosity for freedom does not exist or is held within. Sometimes we know something is wrong but believe we deserve the way we have been treated because we are somehow defective.
Ambiguous: open to more than one interpretation or meaning.; Unclear or inexact because a choice between the alternatives has not been made.
If you have been following along, you know that I, unknowingly, began life under the power of the shadow. Spiritual bondage formed by deception and secrets that I had witnessed and internalized. I did not know how much darkness surrounded me, as I saw no one in the light. I was taught to be dishonest by my parents and the whisperings of the shadow. I took what I learned, continued to listen to the destructive voice in my head and used to hurt myself and others.
There is no autonomy or self-governing; control is exerted over the other’s movements, money, sexual activity, or friends; through emotional, psychological manipulation, or physical abuse. Adult children of alcoholics easily fall into the same patterns as their parents: picking a partner or raising their children, in the same manner, they were, remaining trapped in the cycle.
Life itself will offer moments of clarity.A crossroad, a breaking point, or outside intervention. A realization that something could be different. That one may enter a recovery program, peer support at a church, or counseling center. To break free and recover, emotional detachment is vital, while new information is taken in. There is always an emotional separation from the other co-dependant, if there is physical or psychological abuse a physical separation is needed until both can seek help.These are forms of detachment. Detachment simply allows space to breath, rest, and reevaluate. For most it is frightening and progress may be delayed out of a fear that something is being lost.
For survivors of trauma and addiction, roadblocks were put in place before we realized it. We remain unaware that a roadblock exists, believing we are just like everyone else, until we try to expand ourselves into an adult individual. If we have successes great! But such is life, and there are challenges all along our way. There is illness, loss, death, lost jobs, financial uncertainties, or isolation from families.
A year later, while in a counseling session, attempting once again to make sense of my predicament, I become terrified and disoriented. Directly in my line of vision, a form like a hologram appeared leaving no room for my present life to penetrate. I began seeing the atrocities done to my mother and my brothers. The smell of orange blossoms, bacon, country gravy and biscuits, the moist smell of dew in the mountain air filled my senses. Mashed potatoes mingled with blood on old graying wall paper came into view. I heard my own fear in its’ deafening silence as brown trousers came towards me. Physically, I was left feeling moist, cold and exposed; breathless with unbelievable pain in my throat and shoulders.
An exploration of society’s slanderous misreading of one of Disney’s most iconic princesses of all time, and how this indicates a dangerous shift in our values as a culture.
It’s 1950. You’re Walt Disney.
It’s been two years since production was fast-tracked on one of your studio’s most risky ventures. Your last three animated films, made with love and care, flopped in the midst of the Second World War. You’re millions in debt, and you’ve just finished plunging yourself farther into the hole — all for another feature-length animated project, to be given the same love and care as your previous works.
Unbeknownst to you, this film will not only catapult your studio out of debt, but also become an enduring classic in American cinema.
Find your healing space. Create your haven. When organizing a home for clients, where there was hoarding or just messy chaos, I would first carve out a place for the client. To be a refuge from their inner trauma or their addiction to hoarding. Maybe they needed a place to escape the chaos from a partner or child that was troubled with alcoholism, codependency, or other unhealthy tendencies.
Enduring abuse since infancy I was tormented with nightmares and symptomatic PTSD. However further insight exposed spiritual bondage that attached to my soul before I was aware, with the ability to influence my thoughts and behaviors. A spiritual malady went undetected for years and had not been addressed in my program of recovery and not understood in my church. When father died memories surfaced. Counseling; led me to think it was dealt with. However, when mother died strange things began to happen in my home, to me and my family. So blatant were the attacks I no longer had the luxury to stay in denial, under the label of dysfunction. The battle between good and evil is real.
Coming out on the other side, I am living fully and contentedly with gratitude for God’s care and protection. To honor the little girl that I blamed for so long and her brothers; Lady Jayne will now tell her story. While she speaks I will prepare the manuscript for publishing. So far I am thinking of the titles: The Fearless Reckoning of Lady Jayne or The Reckoning of Lady Jayne. Like these? I welcome input! My best to all who visit, Thank you!
