Just because your family has always done things a certain way, does not mean it will benefit your life. Asking Why? What am I getting out of this habit? Replacing negative with positive is life-changing
For survivors of trauma and addiction, roadblocks were put in place before we realized it. We remain unaware that a roadblock exists, believing we are just like everyone else, until we try to expand ourselves into an adult individual. If we have successes great! But such is life, and there are challenges all along our way. There is illness, loss, death, lost jobs, financial uncertainties, or isolation from families.
Continue reading “Who put the road block in place?”
In the city, we are often removed from the inherent beauty of creation. Looking down so as not to trip on uneven sidewalks can only provide a downcast focus of cigarette butts, weeds, dirt, spit, discarded food and wrappers, and flies. Yet our Creator calls us to look up-to look around -to seek His kingdom on earth. Where is this kingdom?
Continue reading “FLOWERS IN THE SIDEWALK”Victim. We should only be allowed to use this word to describe a moment in time where something was done to us that was out of our control. It should be an adjective to describe our experience in a tragedy, not to define our character. That moment does not define us. It can mold us, but we have the choice to allow it to continue to victimize us and be subjected to the powerlessness of that situation or we have the ability to become a warrior.
Continue reading “VICTIM”
After what we have experienced in secret the idea of being exposed is quite painful. Had we not already had our bodies exposed to lustful eyes and hands? Yes! However the illumination I speak of has an opposite and profound effect on returning to our pre-abuse identity. Leading us out of a fear filled lonely place to a place of joy filled resilience and healing.
Continue reading “EXPOSED TO LIGHT”
Father Richard Shares……Today I share a contemplative poem from CAC friend and writer Felicia Murrell. Felicia’s words combine a deep awareness of God’s presence while clearly naming the collective trauma of police brutality and lynchings. It is worth remembering, as Black liberation theologian James Cone (1938–2018) points out, that the lynchings of African Americans and the crucifixion of Jesus share much in common: “Both the cross and the lynching tree were symbols of terror, instruments of torture and execution, reserved primarily for slaves, criminals, and insurrectionists—the lowest of the low in society.” [1] There is something about poetry that gives us permission to sit with the paradoxes of our pain, perhaps especially when addressing traumatic suffering. I invite you to read Felicia’s challenging words slowly, allowing your heart to break open to God’s love amidst the suffering of the world.
Continue reading “Trauma and Silence”Is our inner voice original thought, or guided by someone or something else? If you found your way here, you have experienced abuse or trauma in some capacity. Your mind may be battling with you daily, obsessive thoughts try to guide you one way. Fight you when you desire to go another. It can encompass self-destructive beliefs, self-destructive behaviors, addiction, fear, chronic nightmares. Your anxious thoughts trigger your, PTSD symptoms. Your inner voice may be continually condemning you- that you are flawed, less than, or of no value to anyone including yourself. We will discover together that these are lies, we can capture these thoughts, reckon with them and finally choose to replace the lies with truth.
Untangling the cords of anger that ran through my days, a bulging red knot was revealed.
Tugging harder, looking for the free end that would release me, the knot became inflamed with purple hues.
Continue reading “Anger in Radiant Spectrum”
No matter ones feelings about the bible, there are lessons to be learned, and disciplines to be applied.
An account in the book of Exodus finds Moses’ people grumbling at their accommodations while traveling in a wilderness. They had rebelled and turned away from God. Yet when they were hungry and thirsty complain to Moses and God, in anger. Life isn’t fair!
Moses feels responsible and pleas to God, asking for food and water. He is then instructed, by God, to strike his staff on a rock and water would flow.
Read more: WATER FROM A ROCKDid they deserve another intervention-another miracle? Well, the folks who drank from this streaming rock had already been rescued from slavery, through a parted sea! They showed no gratitude and continued to worship other gods-idols. The result of a rebellious attitude left them dissatisfied, demanding, disrespectful and disloyal to the Creator of all. Boy-oh-boy, if we saw such a miracle would we not believe in that God?
Being wishy-washy in who we follow, we settle into a spiritual sickness that cannot be self-diagnosed, as a symptom of this disease is spiritual blindness. So naturally with out a Higher Power, feelings of being cheated and dissatisfaction will go hand in hand with this disease.
The shadow of death entices us to desire things that will lead us away from the sustaining power of our Creator. The very things we are enticed to desire turn against us. Allow me to take you back to one of my journeys in the wilderness.
Finding myself in jail due to dealing drugs and firearms. I grumbled and minimized the crime I committed and was angry that I could not see my kids and life was empty without them. Had I not forfeited that right? Didn’t I set things in motion? Wasn’t this a consequence of crime? After feeling sorry for myself, I then focused on needing bail and a ride home. Bail was posted my mother-in-law, my husband picked me up and he, the kids and I broke bond by leaving the state.
When we were arrested again my children were dragged again through children’s services as we were extradited back home. Did I see this reality then? No!! I was blinded by what I thought I needed to survive. When I was finally released, I got my children back. However, within days I left them with my mother so I could seek drink and drugs, my higher power at the time. Substances that had led me to this distruction still promised to take me back to oblivion: away from the harsh treatment I had experienced. I did not know this or that I was spiritually sick and distant from the God I said I believed in. I would hit a few bottoms before surrendering and admitting that I played a significant part in my problems. not know that meanwhile other men and women who were addicted or behind bars were being lead to a program of recovery that leads to a Higher Power. That others turned to God just by studying the bible alone in their cells. They are given assurance of forgiveness from their Creator, gain spiritual wealth and freedom in this life, and hope of eternity!
They were experiencing a change of heart and mind, the perception of cleanliness on the inside for the first time in their lives. They had moments of clarity and took responsibilty for their actions.
Outwardly, they may remain in a cell, in the wilderness, will still face consequences and yet these men and women are changed. Their burdens are being lifted. They are placed on a path out of their hell, no matter how rocky or tangled. Outsiders witness a difference in their eyes, a difference in their manner and speech, as they replace dishonesty for honesty.
Which is easier to believe? That life is against us and sets us up for failure? Or that there is an active living God showing up, through a rock flowing with water or through modern-day miracles?
Continue reading “WATER FROM A ROCK”
I am a particular flavor of bold personality, the type that is not well-liked in some environments. Take, for example, a well-established hierarchical-based company that relies on its employees not seeing, the whole picture in order to remain in their jobs. Indeed, I am not very well-liked there because I am a Disruptor. I speak the truth no one else there dares to speak due to its disruptive nature. I can’t help it. That’s what I do. Even my mom tells me this frequently, although when she does it comes with negative connotations.
Continue reading “I’m not very well-liked. No, let me try that again.”
Lady Jayne's Reckonings 